My Dirty Little Secret
by cloudyWingless
Summary: Roxas has changed who he is completely due to a dirty little secret that he is able to hide for a while but will his new friend Axel make him come undone? And how will Axel react to Roxas's dirty little secret? WARNING:this has a rather dark theme so if you can't handle then don't read. This is a collaboration with Taylor Hope! Please R


_Roxas POV_

I don't recognize myself. My hair has turned brown, from this crap dye I put in it that comes off fast. I combed down my unruly spikes and let myself become a different person. If you ask the police, I am dead; but that was another life. That me is gone. I had to change myself. I can't get caught for my actions...

Walking the streets of this town, darkness overwhelms me as the tall building cover the sun as if it was covering a crime. It made me feel trapped and helpless, but what can you do? I really have no idea where I am. It's not Twilight Town, it's a world that seems as if it shouldn't really exist. I guess that's why I choose it... I don't really want to exist. I keep my head down and sighed as I tried to erase those passing memories of the pain and torment that was my life.

"What a joke," I breathes as I smirked to myself, "Where did I think I could go?" I turn a corner, and television screen is talking about a recent murder. A familiar face fills the screen. I felt as if a knife stabbed my heart and I stared at my shoes and began to walk a little faster to avoid my own guilt. The guilt still found it's way inside of me, so I began to run. I tried to run from the past, it doesn't work so well.

BANG

I hit a person! Damn! I look up to find a stunningly beautiful red-headed man with stunning emerald eyes staring at me. I have no idea what to say to him.

"S-sorry, little guy," he smiles, "I didn't see you there." My blue eyes were mesmorized by this figure in front of me that I froze like an idiot. Say something, you dumb-ass!

"Um, it's okay. I should look where I'm walking- er, running," I smiled a fake smile at him, and continued walking with my head held low. 'Just leave', I told myself. 'You don't want to get caught up in a relationship anyway.'

"Hey," the red head calls, "I've never seen you around here before." I turn around. I don't know if I should tell him I'm from a different world, and that I came here because of the name. No, I can't. He may figure out that I'm actually...

"I'm not from..here," I said trying to choose my words wisely.

"Ah, an outsider. Well, I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" He said smiling.

"Um, okay.." I shrugged. "My name's Ro- I mean, uh Sora."

"Okay, Ro-Sora." He laughed at his own joke, a laugh that made me feel light-headed, "If you're not from here, want me to show you around?"

No. No. No. No. Say no! "I guess.." I answered. Wrong!

"Great!" Axel chirped. "Follow me." Axel started to walk, and even though I knew it was wrong, I followed him. The last thing I needed was to get involved with someone else who will hurt me. It was now that I realized Axel was wearing a long, black coat. I looked at my own red garments that made me stand out in this dreary town. I had to throw out my white clothes that I usually wear, because they had gotten..well..dirty.

"Hey, uh, Axel," I said.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"Are you with the Organization?"

Axel stopped walking. He turned around and stared deep into my bright blue eyes. "Yes," he said, smiling, "Is that a problem?" I didn't know what to say. I had the overwhelming urge to kiss him, right there, and hold him and-STOP! What are you doing to yourself? Stop it! You are going to let this strange man treat you to dinner and then leave this town. I sighed. I guess that was what I had to do. I can't fall in love. Again. Or was that even love?

"N-no," I told Axel, snapping out of my daydream, "So are you a bad guy?" Why was I asking him this? I really am a dumb-ass.

"Maybe," he shrugged, continuing to walk again, "I don't really know what I am. It's hard to figure yourself out when you can't feel." He laughed his enchanting laugh. So there it was. He couldn't feel. I knew that already, but for some reason the information hurt me. Even if I were to fall for him- he couldn't love me back. Right?

Axel walked in to a dark alleyway. That's where I stopped. A flashback took me back to a Twilight Town alleyway, where police would be finding what I left there. Don't think about that, I yelled at myself.

"You coming, kid?" Axel asked me. He motioned for me to follow him.

"Um, Axel?" I asked. "Wh-where are we going?"

"Are you afraid of the dark?" he asked jokingly. But I still didn't follow him. He came up to me and looked me straight in the eye again. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you here. Anything. Got it memorized?" I nodded, and let him put his arm around my shoulder, leading me in to the alleyway. Why was I trusting this guy? Could I even trust myself? GAH! Too many questions! My head hurts...

At the end of the alley, a small cottage emerged out of the darkness. Axel opened the red door for me, without letting go of me. I smiled at him as we entered.

"Is this your home?" I asked.

The red head shrugged. "I don't really have a home. This is just a spot I go when Xemnas and the others are pissing me off." He laughed, taking off his Organization coat and threw it on the table, only to reveal a sexy black tank-top and black tight pants. He lead me to the dining room and told me to sit down. I looked around the cottage, taking in the small kitchen where Axel was now, and a torn-up mattress that acted as a bed. He had only two windows near the door, and a window in the kitchen. I guessed he was trying to stay hidden from his Organization friends.

As Axel was cooking something, I suddenly felt very awkward and intrusive. Here I was in a man's home, a man I met only five minutes ago. I wanted to leave, badly. I slowly got up from the table, hoping Axel wouldn't notice, but the chair scraped the floor and Axel turned around.

I swallowed. "You're really nice and all but I better get going."

"Leaving already?" Axel's face turned downcast, and I could almost hear him thinking of ways to make me stay longer. Yet his voice had a hint of a tease to it.

"Sorry," I shrugged. "I just-uh-well-I gotta go." I turned to leave, my heart breaking. Stop it! You can not like this guy!

"Wait!" Axel said. "Will I ever see you again?" I smiled at him, again fake, and walked out.

The crying started halfway down the alleyway to Axel's cottage. Just as I walked out, I started running in fear that Axel might follow me. Then I realized he wouldn't. He didn't care about me, did he? He didn't have a heart! I wish I didn't have a heart. Then I wouldn't fall so easily! So now I'm sitting on the ground of this dirty alleyway, crying my eyes out in my own self pity. I put my head in my knees and tried to make myself stop crying. Heart or no heart, if Axel knew about my past he would hate me, and that's why I can't see him anymore. Why am I such a selfish little brat?!

A hand touched my shoulder, sending an amazing tingling sensation through my arm. I looked up, and through my tear-soaked eyes I saw Axel. What was he doing? Why did he care?

"I told you I wouldn't let anything hurt you here and I won't even let you hurt yourself. So, come on. I think you need a friend." He held out his hand for me. I looked at him, and I wiped the tears from my gross puffy eyes.

"B-but..you can't feel. You can't possibly understand how I feel!" I was surprised at how angry I was about this, how strong my voice was. I guess I shouldn't be. Look what happened last time.

Axel knelt down to my level. "You make me feel like I have a heart," he whispered. "And I know that's crazy, given that I barely know you. But it's true."

I looked up at him. He continued: "I'd really like to get to know you, Sora. Please, give me a chance." He got up again and reached his hand out to me. I remembered a blond haired boy telling me to give him a chance, and another one, and another-but Axel is different. I hope. I reached up and placed my hand in his, letting him lead me back to his house.

Once there, I made Sora real. I gave him a story. Sora is a person who helps people, even though he gets hurt so much himself. Sora is the boy that dated the wrong guy but stood up for himself. That part is...partially true. Other than that, Sora is not me. He is fake. And I feel bad telling Axel these lies, when all he's telling me is truth. It makes me want to cry again. By the end of the night, I know who Axel is, and I know that he is a good guy. Now, the hard part. Can I be a good guy as well? HAHA, that's total bullshit. The real me is far from a good guy.

"So, here's the thing. The Organization isn't going to like the fact that we're hanging out." Axel shrugged. "Xemnas and his rules. I can't have a life." Axel laughed at himself. "As if I have a life."

"They don't have to know," I said.

"They will find out. They're good at that. And then you'll be in danger, and it'll be all my fault." Axel sat down next to me at his table. "I can't let that happen." I looked at Axel and smiled. "It won't. I'm good at..hiding."

"Good. But I will protect you, Sora." Axel was staring into my eyes again. I felt as if I might melt.

"Why?" was the only word that came out of my mouth.

"I told you, kid!" laughed Axel. "Back in the alleyway. There's something about you..you make me feel, you're..amazing." I had a hard time accepting this fact, that I was amazing. Sora was amazing. I was a liar, and I was going to hurt Axel with these lies.

He started to lean in then, over so slightly, inch by inch. I told myself that I had to stop him from doing this. Then he looked up at me, and his emerald eyes aligned with mine, and my heart started jumping. I was the one getting closer to Axel after that I shut off my brain for a second and forgot what I did. I forgot I was lying to Axel, I forgot that I wasn't really Sora. I let everything go, so I could kiss him. The kiss was amazing. My lips tingled, and it felt as if time stood still. Of corse, when I pulled away, my brain turned back on and I remembered everything. Axel smiled at me, brushing away a piece of my hair which already started to turn blond again.

"Thank, you. For helping me tonight," I said shyly.

"No, thank you. For making me feel like I have a heart." Axel smiled, and kissed me again. "Thank you, Sora." he whispered in my ear.

Sora? I almost blurbed out my secret, I almost asked him Who's Sora? Oh. Fake me. I need to fix this.

_Axel POV_

I've been seeing Sora for two weeks now. Every day, it's the same. He seems so shy, and almost like he doesn't want me touching him. Every day, I wonder if he feels trapped with me. If there was a way to make him happier. That's all I want. His happiness. When he smiles, I feel a warmth at the pit of my stomach. When I'm near him, I can almost hear my non-existant heart beating. I have dreams of a past life-of some one named Lea..and the way he feels. these dreams are so real, and so is what I'm feeling. I can tell that the Organization knows something is up. They follow me around more, they give me more jobs to do. I'm afraid that I will accidentally lead them to my cottage, and Sora.

Another thing. I think he's hiding something. Does he still not trust me? After everything I've done? Yesterday, Sora ran away. I went to sleep cuddling him, and woke up with a note instead of Sora. The note was simple, it read simply: 'I can't stay here, I'm sorry. I don't love you.' After I made myself a breakfast for two and let it go untouched, I went to the bathroom and stared at myself. What is this feeling? The last time I hurt this bad was when some of my fellow Organization members decided to beat me up because they thought it would be funny. But that was physical pain. What is this? I felt as if a knife was jabbed through my center, cutting me in two. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen then, wondering if stabbing myself would hurt as bad as what I feel now. I aimed the knife at my stomach just as Sora barged into my cottage.

"Axel," he said crying. He saw my white-knuckled fingers gripping the knife and he started to sob. I dropped the knife and ran to him, hugging him and kissing him.

"You're not mad?" He asked in the sweetest voice I ever heard.

"Of corse I am!" I cried, holding him. "Why did you do that? Please, don't ever leave me again! I-I-well, I love you, Sora!"

He looked up at me with a shocked expression. "What?" he asked, stunned. I pushed away some blond hair from his face and tucked it behind his ear. Wow, he's cute as a blond.

"Yes. I'm sure of it. I love you. What other reason is there for how I feel?" I kissed his forehead sweetly. That night, we made sweet passionate love on my crappy mattress. But it was the most amazing feeling.

Two days later, I come home to find Sora pacing the span of my cottage. He looked worried, and he had tears lightly falling from his crystal blue eyes.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked worried.

"Axel. Sit down." As I sat on my kitchen's table chair, Sora kept pacing in front of the table. "I am a liar," he said, and started to cry.

"Oh, no, you're not-"

"Please," Sora interrupted. "My name is Roxas. I am from Twilight Town. About a month ago, my husband Seifer hit me so hard I blacked out. It was the last straw for me. He had been beating me for the past three years of our marriage. H-he even raped me and beat me so hard it sent me to the hospital! I was scared for my life! I was scared to go to the police-that they wouldn't believe me or that Seifer would kill me! So I took matters in to my own hands. I killed him, Axel. I killed him and dumped his body in an alleyway. I am a liar, and you should hate me."

I had no idea what to say. This boy, this wonderful, beautiful boy who made me feel, was a murderer? He had lived with me, and heard me rant about Xemnas, and he had heard me rant about how much he meant to me, and he waited until now to tell me this?

"Get out," was all I could say to this boy who drained all my trust with one story. My teeth clenched as did my fists.

"Axel," Sor-I mean, uh, Roxas, cried.

"Get out," I shouted, standing up from my chair so quickly that the chair clattered on the ground. Roxas ran past me, teary-eyed, and left. I banged my hand on the table. My nails dug into the wood. To think, I was about to kill myself over this boy! To think I was planning on marrying him! Imagine what would happen if I did that. My first serious relationship, and this is what I get. I screamed into nothingness, and then I sat on the floor and sobbed.

To think I just sent away the perfect guy for me.

_Roxas POV_

Day two without Axel. I remember the first time, when I ran away from him. I couldn't handle my secret and tried to flee. But I soon realized I just couldn't live without Axel. I loved him. But it was too late for that now. I had messed up, and now I was alone.

I was wandering around Twilight Town, because it was where I felt at home. And even though people were looking for me, the heartless killer, I was showing my face in public. People stopped to give me a second glance when I passed, swearing they knew my face, but shaking their heads thinking they must have seen something that wasn't there. As I was walking around the town, not caring, I didn't notice the people in the coats. I noticed one as I was passing Seifer's murder site, but when I looked again he was gone. I kept walking, and another one popped up and disappeared on top of a building. I started walking faster. Where can I run? Would I care if I died? I found myself at a dead end, and as I turned around, three black coats surrounded me. I became very scared.

"Hello." The first one said. "We understand that Axel has been acting strange lately. Do you happen to know why?" Hearing Axel's name made my heart ache, I tried to keep myself from breaking down.

"Axel?" I asked, as calm as I could. "Who's that?"

"Sora, Sora," laughed the second one. "Or should I say-Roxas. We know everything about you. We know what you did, and we know you broke our poor Axel's heart." The group laughed at this joke.

"So now," the third one stated. "What will we do to him?"

"Bring him in," suggested the second. "Rot in jail."

"Or we could kill him. In front of his love." The first one laughed.

"No!" I said. "Leave Axel out of this! Please!"

"Why?" asked the third. "This is his fault."

"No," I cried. "It's mine. I lied to him, and I made him feel this way. It was me, okay? All me."

"Sorry," the first man said, "It's my rules. And Axel isn't allowed to date a husband killer. Or anyone! He doesn't have a heart, boy! He doesn't feel! You're the one who has been lied to!"

"No! I refuse to believe that!" I told him. This man must be Xemnas, leader of Organization 13.

"Let's end this," the second man said. The three started to come closer to me, getting out their weapons and ready to strike.

"Don't harm him too much. Axel needs to see this." Xemnas said evilly. They were a foot away from me now, and I closed my eyes ready to feel the pain I deserved.

"I'm so sorry, Axel," I whispered into the air.

Suddenly, a wall of fire engulfed me and the three Organization members. I opened my eyes to see Axel fighting the three of them. He was strong, fighting off all of them with anger in his eyes. Two of the members left as Axel gained on them, and so he was left to fight Xemnas. Axel sliced his weapons across Xemnas' chest, and he disappeared. The wall of fire receded, and Axel stood, staring at me. What should I say?

"Hi." He said. "I saw you needed some help, so I decided to aide you. The name's Axel. Got it memorized?" I smiled at this game of his, a game for us to start over, with no lies.

"Thank you," I smiled. "My name is Roxas, and...I'm a battered..husband."

Axel laughed. "We'll get through this, Roxas. Together."

I smiled and nodded at him. "Together."

(Line)

Authors note: This was a collab with Taylor Hope. actually she wrote the story and I just tweaked it and posted it. So give her lots of credit!


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